My daughter’s high school recently organized their first Powder Puff event in six years, and I’m so glad my daughter got to be a part of it. Powder Puff flag football is an annual tradition for many high schools in the United States, and one that I had actually never heard of until my daughter came home with news that she had made the sophomore team.

Confused as to what Powder Puff is about, I did some research and discovered that it is a one-off event where the girls get out on the field and play football, while the boys stand on the sidelines and cheer. The first Powder Puff games supposedly began back in the early 1970s as a friendly and fun way to entice more girls into the athletic arena. I don’t know if Powder Puff is what got the ball rolling, but if it is, then I am eternally grateful to those who recognized that not just boys, but girls too, could most certainly reap the benefits of playing a sport.

Since starting my small and humble sportsline, my youngest daughter Jade has been wanting to get her hands on the clothes and claim one of each set for herself. I would have had no problem in letting her do so, except that the smallest size in all three sets is an XS (approx. 5/6), and up until now she has been too small to fit into any of them. She turned six a few weeks ago however and I decided to let her try one of the XS skirt sets on; it’s actually still a little too big for her (she has a smaller frame than a lot of her six year old classmates), but she convinced me to let her wear it with a tank top underneath. The other capri sets are unfortunately still too big for her but for now, the skirt set is perfect for her Friday afternoon tennis lessons:

A future sports model perhaps??

Several weeks ago I heard about Serena William’s temper tantrum during the 2009 US Open semi-finals. Her outbursts didn’t necessarily cost her the game, as it’s pretty evident that she was already losing anyway, but they surely didn’t help her situation. If anything, they set her up for a quicker exit from the court. But worse than that, her behavior leaves people to wonder if her former victories do indeed deem her a champion and a winner, or if they are merely symbolic of her ability and say nothing of her character.

I do understand that the stress one must endure when playing the professional circuit of any competitive sport must be extremely difficult to manage, especially when it comes down to a crucial point of play. However, being in the public eye, and quite likely a role model for many youngsters, wouldn’t that be incentive enough to do whatever it takes to demonstrate “good sportsmanship” behaviors?

Worse still, is when you go to one of your kid’s sports matches and you see either their coach, or the opposing team’s coach, throwing their arms and fists about and yelling out all kinds of obscenities because they didn’t agree with the referee’s call. What kind of example is that for our kids? I witnessed such a scenario at one of my daughter’s recent volleyball matches; the coach of the opposing team was yellow-carded ( given a warning) for kicking the volleyball across the court in anger. He continued to pout and stamp his feet for the remainder of the game, his actions almost resembling the kind of temper tantrums my youngest daughter used to throw when she was two or three years old.

That kind of behavior is not only childish and embarrassing, but if demonstrated frequently, could potentially teach young kids who are directly exposed to it that losing is never acceptable, and that losing only occurs through the fault of others. I would hate for my children to always blame other people or circumstances for the losses they will inevitably experience, and if a hurtful but loving reality check is required in order for them to see the truth about their performance, then so be it. The thing is, a reality check can be followed by praise and a motivational pep talk that will hopefully reignite their desire to get out there and try again, but allowing our kids to dismiss any ownership of responsibility when it comes to losing, is a sure way to minimize the type of positive attitude that allows them to learn and grow from their mistakes.

Furthermore, a graceful attitude towards losing is far more attractive and admirable than one that reeks of rudeness and arrogance. I would much rather my children keep their dignity and self-respect, than let them be lost to an over-sized ego that only rewards winning and is ultimately self-destructive.

I came across the following excerpt recently on Jeff Galloway’s MCM Virtual Trainer site, and I liked it so much I’ve copied it below for you to enjoy too:

A dream is not connected to reality………..Yes, you can dream far beyond your capabilities and set yourself up for great disappointment. At the instant of your dream, you may be exhilarated. But without a plan and the reality checks along the way, motivation is lost very quickly. Even when dreams are within your capabilities, without a well-structured training program and regular mental contact with your vision, dreams are seldom realized.

In contrast, a vision is a series of images that can be molded over several months into a realistic behavioral plan that is put into action every week. In effect, you’re a sculptor who molds an elusive image into a series of real experiences that have all the elements that prepare you for and lead you to a goal that is realistic, fulfilling and engaging.

A vision is a realistic future behavioral experience that you can prepare for by specific physical and mental exercises. To truly fulfill a vision, you must chart out these exercises, constantly adjusting and fine-tuning them to make the vision more complete and meaningful to you. Then, you end up with a final product that is much better than the one you started with. With each adjustment, you get more involved in the process and become more motivated.

Copied from Jeff Galloway’s MCM Virtual Training Program - www.JeffGalloway.com

Following on from my previous post about overcoming nervousness during team tryouts, this is a post about how to deal with the rejection of not making the team. It’s sad but inevitable that some girls will not make the team, and be forced to either play for a sub-standard team or even play a different sport. A positive stance would be to shake off the negative emotions, play for a lower-ranking team, and practice hard with the intent of succeeding at next year’s tryouts. Of course that’s easier said than done, especially when hopes of making the favored team are high.

My daughter Chantal could possibly face such a dilemma in the very near future; she has done well to make the varsity volleyball team, but of the thirteen girls on the team, only ten will be chosen to travel to Guam later this year and play in the annual Far East tournament. Chantal happens to be one of the least experienced players on the team and will consequently have to work harder than the other girls if she hopes to have even the slightest chance of making the tournament team.

Still, there is always a chance, but if her coaches decide that she isn’t quite ready to compete at regional level, then hopefully the following parent tips will render themselves useful in helping me to support her through what could potentially be a difficult time for her:

Following tips offered by Joel H. Fish PhD, Author of “101 Ways to be a Terrific Sport Parent” - transcribed from www.education.com

• Be self-aware parents. Parents need to be aware of their own attitudes towards making the team, and towards winning and losing because inevitably these attitudes will be picked up their children. Fish cautions, “I believe parents are extremely well intentioned, but parents often have an emotional response to their child not making the team.” Parents who display anger or immediately want to challenge the coach’s decision are adding an extra dimension to their child’s burden.
• Give your child a chance to feel. Parents can help their child cope by giving him or her “permission” to have a normal response. Fish says, “There’s a tendency for parents to rush in there and say “it’s ok” - sometimes we need to say to our kids ‘that must hurt,’ or give them a hug, or not say anything.” Parents who respond to their child not making the team by saying “Well, soccer is a stupid sport anyways!” invalidate the hurt their child is feeling as well as dismissing something that may well be very important to him or her.
• Help your child to see the big picture. There’s much more to being successful in life than simply making a sports team, however important it may seem at the time, and parents can help their children realize this. Fish suggests that, before a tryout, parents make a list together with their child of multiple goals which reflect what the tryout is really about. One of those goals can be making the team, but include others as well, such as having fun, trying your best, being a good team-mate, and learning something. Says Fish, “When not all the eggs are in the outcome basket, that can be really helpful for a child who doesn’t make the team, because he’s going in with multiple definitions of what it means to be successful.”

I think these are all great tips and worth keeping in mind, but ultimately I would hope to use such “rejection-type” experiences to teach my children that success in anything usually comes after numerous setbacks, and only those who are willing to get back up and try again will likely be the ones who succeed!

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier - not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased.”

Volleyball season officially started last week, at least where we live, and my daugher Chantal was fortunate enough to make her high school varsity team. Now that tryouts are over she can relax a little and start focusing on improving her game, but let me say that she came very close to not being selected. During the summer she had the opportunity to practice on weekends with a newly-established club, and toward the end of the summer break she attended a week-long volleyball camp. These extra hours of training gave her a definite advantage, but she almost failed to make the team because during the tryouts she became so overwhelmed by both the pressure to perform and the competition she faced, that she lost her focus and consequently her ability to play. 

Since making the team, Chantal and I have talked about her experience in an attempt to understand why she got so nervous and what she could do in future to avoid letting the nervousness affect her concentration. One of the things I felt that impacted her a great deal, was her awareness of the other girls around her, and her perception of how her skills compared with theirs. Chantal on the other hand, felt that her nervousness mainly stemmed from a heightened fear of not being able to impress the coaches. What she didn’t realize was that her fear almost transcribed itself into a reality.

So what does one do to calm their nerves when under pressure? Veteran sports coach Reed Maltbie says that the mind must be trained to compete, just as the body is. If the mind succumbs to the nervousness, then “you are fighting a losing battle,” says Coach Reed. “You’ve already convinced yourself that you can’t compete, so the body responds with sub-par performance.” Some of the techniques that Coach Reed suggests will help athletes to prepare for competition include the following:

• Practice with athletes who are better than you. Practicing with athletes who don’t meet your standards can be good for self-esteem, but it will only bring your standards down in the long run.
• Put yourself through a tough workout and practice mentally pushing yourself to go further.
• Have a phrase that you repeat to yourself to remind you of your goals.
• Have confidence in your training. Know that what you did to prepare is enough. On competition day, don’t focus on your opponent and spend energy worrying about their abilities, focus on yourself.

I could use this practical advice myself. I’ve been training for my next marathon and I have a goal finish time but there are days when I start to doubt that I have what it takes. I must remember Coach Reed’s warning that my body will respond with a sub-par performance if my mind has already set me up for failure. It’s not easy to change my mindset but I am certainly going to try! And in doing so I hope I will influence Chantal to do the same…….

“I’m bored!” “It’s boring at home!” “There’s nothing to do!” It’s summer break and many stay-at-home parents are hounded by statements such as these, over, and OVER again. If kids don’t have things to do or places to go during the summer you can be sure that these whiny, annoying statements will plague you too. Here’s what I do to make sure I’m not one of those accosted mothers: I throw my kids into sports and whatever other activities or classes are being offered that I think they’ll enjoy, and in between we hit the pools, beaches, resorts, movie theaters, and  indoor playgrounds.

It’s week four of summer break and already we have been to Okuma Beach Resort, spent many days swimming at various pools and beaches, gone bowling, seen two movies, and visited Mona Kids indoor playground. Add to that our current schedule which includes summer school and swimming lessons for my youngest daughter Jade, and tennis and volleyball for my oldest daughter Chantal, and there really isn’t much room left for complaining. I admit, I still get the odd “I’m bored” from both girls, but for the most part they are too worn out to recognize their boredom during those few occasions when we are sitting at home with no agenda for the day.

Swimming lessons

Tennis lessons

Now, if the truth be known I can’t honestly say that I enjoy driving my kids from place to place, or sitting in uncomfortably hot weather while waiting for swimming or tennis lessons to be hurried up and done with, but it beats having rebounding arguments with a five year old who doesn’t seem to know what the word “quit” means. Trust me, if you’ve been enduring the whininess because you feel like you just don’t have the energy or desire to drive around all day, I would highly recommend you at least give it a go. I think you’ll find that the absence of “little-people-nagging” will instill in you that burst of energy you thought you didn’t have.

And you can think of it in terms of aging: do you want to age quickly, or slowly? My guess is that you chose the latter, and if you did, then keeping your kids at home with you all day is NOT an option. Just remember that kids whining in your ear all day equals a rapid rise in heart rate as you try (usually unsuccessfully) to remain calm and reasonable. Following the rise in heart rate, when your veins are ready to burst and you can no longer contain your frustration, is the highly dysfunctional moment of insanity where you throw your hands about and scream all kinds of inappropriate verbs and nouns. And THAT, is a sure fire way to age quickly!

On the other hand, if you accept the inconveniences of driving and waiting around all day, you get to enjoy a reasonably stress-free day.  The kids don’t seem to argue as much as they’re too busy expending energy, and in turn you reserve a little more of your own energy by not having to tear them apart and yell at them; the whininess significantly decreases and instead of endless mind-losing moments, there are actually moments of hugging and laughing; and, you even get to read those books you’ve been wanting to read but which you gave up on because of the frequent interruptions or lack of time. All of these factors are undeniably better for your health than those noted above, but perhaps even more important than your own health is the health of your children, and who can argue that keeping them active in sports and other activities is not good for them. On the contrary, it is good for them, and the best part of all, it makes them tired!

Exhausted after summer school and swimming lessons

Chantal's first piano recital

A few weekends ago I went to watch my oldest daughter Chantal participate in a piano recital. She has only been playing the piano for three months so I wasn’t expecting anything great from her. I was pleasantly surprised however, at how few mistakes she made and how her fingers seemed to naturally grace the keys at each stroke. Was it really that easy for her, or did she put extra hours of practice in that I wasn’t aware of? Or maybe learning came easy to her because she actually enjoys playing the piano? I tend to think it’s probably the latter reason.

I think most things in life are done better when there is an element of enjoyment involved. And playing a sport is no different. It makes sense, at least to me, that a child is going to perform well, or at least persevere in a chosen sport, if that sport is perceived as an enjoyable activity. Just like schoolwork; some subjects may be more enjoyable than others and therefore easier to attain higher grades in, while other subjects, which may seem tedious and difficult to comprehend, are perceived as less enjoyable. But despite the complexity of such subjects, it is still necessary to try and produce a reasonable level of competency in order to successfully complete a high school education. 

The point I am trying to make, is that some kids are really averse to any kind of sport or physical fitness activity, yet it is so important. For some kids, it may be that genetically they’re just not programmed to be good at sport, or perhaps they have the ability and simply lack the desire. Whatever the reason, regular exercise in some capacity, whether it’s participation in a sport or performing some type of daily physical activity, is just as essential as pushing through those difficult high school subjects. Why? Because it’s no secret these days that kids who are active are more likely to keep their weight under control, have a greater sense of self esteem, and perform better academically. 

So how can young girls, who have no interest in exercising or playing a sport, be motivated to do so? A lead researcher from the State University of New York at Albany, Katie Haverley, M.S., suggests that such individuals are introduced to a wide variety of fitness activities. She also suggests that the emphasis be placed on the health aspects of physical fitness, as opposed to the promotion of athleticism and competition. Based on the results of her studies, she believes that young girls who feel they are not skilled at sports will be more inclined to take up a sport if they understand how it will serve them in terms of actual rewards ie. better health, controlled weight, improved self esteem, greater ability to concentrate and do well academically.

I also believe this to be true as I have witnessed it with both of my daughters. Granted, five year old Jade doesn’t fully comprehend the health benefits she is gaining from playing sports, but she does understand to a certain degree that sport is “good for her.” Chantal on the other hand, is fully aware of the health benefits and chooses to be active for exactly those reasons. She just happens to have the added blessing of having inherited a natural love of sports, which lucky for her, seems to enhance her sports ability, just as her enjoyment of playing the piano seems to have resulted in a more rapid rate of learning.

So girls, get out there and take the time to find what works for you. And remember, the more you enjoy the sport or physical activity you choose to do, the more likely it is that you will progressively increase your skills and more importantly, make exercise a routine part of your life!

Jade in the middle, cooling down with friends after running half a mile

On Saturday May 16th, at 7:45am in the morning, young Jade and I headed over to the Risner running track on Kadena Airbase. The organization known as America’s Kids Run was hosting its annual run for kids of active duty parents, and Jade was not going to miss out on this event. I could be wrong, but I’m certain that my love of sports is something that has inherently been passed on to my little girl.

At age three, Jade took part in her first running event; it was the Junior Carlsbad and she entered the Toddler Trot which was basically no more than a 1/4 mile dash, if that. I ran that race with her and I’m ashamed to say that my well-intentioned advice to ”just have fun,” was swept away in the dust remnants of our speedy take-off. I’m not sure we can justify her second-place win as a legitimate win, as one of the professional photographs taken shows both her feet off the ground as I’m whisking her along by her hand.

Jade carrying her "finisher's bag" after completing the Junior Carlsbad

At age four Jade participated in the Keebler Kids Mile, a “non-competitive” mile run held at Legoland in San Diego. Knowing that I probably wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to keep up with the front-runners, I handed Jade over to my father and my mother-in-law who were both eager to run alongside her, and walk if necessary. I’m not sure what happened out there on the course, but when I saw the three of them come flying around the final bend toward the finish line, it was obvious that they hadn’t received the memo about the event being “non-competitive.” Poor little Jade (and grandparents) were exhausted, but I could tell that Jade’s grandparents had tasted the same gratifying sweetness that I had tasted when Jade and I crossed the line in the Junior Carlsbad. Maybe the genes on both sides of the family were fished out of the “competitive” pool because no matter how hard we try to conform to the “just have fun” premise, it never seems to happen.

Jade racing toward the finish line with Pa and Grandma

Jade sporting her medal

Or maybe there is hope after all; maybe little Jade is the one who will show her so-called adult role models (aka parents and grandparents), what it is to be competitive in a sensible way. She suprised me at the America’s Kids Run; she did what I didn’t expect her to do. When the official announcement was made to “Get Set & Go,” Jade took off at a mad pace with all the other kids vying to take the lead, but she quickly eased back and settled into a pace that she was capable of maintaining for a full half mile. At five years old, she not only completed the half mile distance set for her age group,  but she completed it comfortably and well ahead of many other boys and girls in her division. In fact, she even had enough energy reserved to go out and run another half mile after taking a quick water break. I wonder if she would have had any energy left had she been accompanied by certain unnamed family members?

I’m just so proud of my little Jade. She ran her first race on her own and demonstrated the kind of self-restraint and discipline that resulted in a successful and  enjoyable run. Quite often I find myself rationalizing my answers to Jade’s childishly analytical questions with the all-too-common “because Momma knows best.” And every once in a while, I am quietly impressed (and humbled) when I see that sometimes it’s actually little Jade who knows best!